AR Articles on Black Culture
Hip-Hop Nation (Jul 2000)
Hot Times in the Big City (Mar. 1992)
I grew up in a suburb of a large northern city, and had no real contact with blacks until I became a lawyer. After I got my law degree I naïvely looked forward to a rewarding legal career. Little did I realize that 25 years later I would be a self-employed attorney doing domestic and civil litigation for a clientele that is overwhelmingly black.
I didn’t plan it that way. I just wanted to do a lot of work in the courtroom, and the best offer I got out of law school was with a small firm that specialized in bankruptcy. Most of its clients were black. Several years later, I set up an independent practice and many of my former clients came to me for domestic work.
Most people do not realize this, but outside the world of corporate or securities law, in any big city the legal profession is to a large degree fueled by the pathologies of blacks and other Third-World people. Of course, whites hire lawyers, but in any city, especially one with a good-sized black population, most of the people who need lawyers are black. In this respect, lawyers are like police officers or social workers—they rarely deal with ordinary white people.
To a large degree, I became racially conscious because of my black clients, who eventually destroyed all my preconceived notions about race. My awakening did not come from one or even a few incidents, but from the accumulation of thousands upon thousands of small interactions.
Day after day my clients continue to amaze me. There is no racial education quite so thorough and convincing as spending time with blacks, and my clients are far from being the poorest and least competent blacks. They are not indigent criminals for whom I am a court-appointed lawyer. They are people who can afford (or think they can afford) a lawyer to get a divorce, contest a custody judgment, beat a traffic ticket, etc. Some are government employees who make $60 to $70 thousand a year, yet even this group is vastly different from whites.
They Don’t Know
One of the most striking things about my black clients is the things they do not know. Many blacks, for example, do not know their own telephone numbers. They may think they do but they don’t, and the problem has gotten worse with the proliferation of cell phones. At least a third of the numbers they leave with my receptionist or on my answering machine are wrong numbers. Often, a potential client will call several times, each time leaving a variation of the same phone number. I keep calling until they get it right. At first I thought I was taking down the numbers incorrectly, but now I know better. With caller ID, it is clear when what the client says does not match the digital display.
Some callers don’t even leave a number. About a quarter of the messages blacks leave do not include either a name or a number. Needless to say, many calls are not returned.
More than a handful of blacks who have come to my office do not even know their own home address (they move often). Many cannot tell me their own spouse’s names. Now I know to tell clients ahead of time that they will need this sort of information when they come in. Otherwise, if I ask for someone’s address he may look hurt and say, If I’d known you were going to ask me that I would have come prepared.
Many black men know their children’s names but do not know how to spell them. With the proliferation of unusual names among blacks, I can only guess at how they are spelled. One client who told me he couldn’t spell his children’s names said I would need an encyclopedia to look them up. Many men have admitted to me they are not even sure how to pronounce their children’s names. Black woman, on the other hand, often become incensed if you mispronounce the very unusual names they have given their children.
The most unusual name I ever came across was Iisszzttadda. I have never met a person, white or black, who could pronounce it correctly. To my surprise the name is pronounced, I seize the day. Iisszzttadda had siblings named Raheem, Utopian, Desiorme, Sid-Timothy, Kizzma, and Larilaril. I have occasionally asked clients the reasons for such unusual names, but the most common answer is I don’t know. It just sounded good. This is the answer I got from a mother who named her child Latrine. (See sidebar for actual names of blacks I have encountered in my practice.)
I once had a client in my office who did not know his own name. He had been called by his nickname for so long he couldn’t remember his given name. This is not as shocking as it sounds. Some black names, like Phe-anjoy or Quithreaun or JyesahJhnai, are so odd, it would be no surprise if they were never used and eventually forgotten.
Names are not the only things blacks do not know. Once when I was filling out a form for a female client I asked if she knew how old her husband was. She told me she didn’t know. I asked her the next question on the form, which was her husband’s birth date. Amazingly, she knew it—and was genuinely surprised when I told her she could figure out her husband’s age from his birth date.
When potential clients call for the first time, often the hardest part is to figure out why they are calling. Usually they begin in the middle of the story. If you let them, they will go on and on, and say nothing. Clients may call about papers they got in the mail, but never have the papers in front of them. They may call for information, but never have a pen or pencil ready to take it down. I have learned to ask direct questions: What is your name? What is the problem? If a client cannot tell me in three minutes or less what the problem is, I tell him to come to my office and bring a small retainer fee. That way at least I will have to listen to their ramblings only if they are prepared to pay.
Blacks with whom I have already spoken seem to think I should know instantly who they are when they telephone. After I get on the line, a typical conversation may go like this:
Who am I speaking to?
I am your client.
I have many clients, can you tell me which one?
I am your divorce client.
Can you tell me your name?
Rufus, can you tell me your last name?
The conversation may go on for some time before I finally figure out who is calling.
I do not take personal injury or product liability cases, but blacks are always asking about bringing suits of this kind: My vacuum cleaner broke. Can you help me?
Most of my clients who are not black either show up on time for appointments or call if they must reschedule. Amazing as this may seem, only about five percent of my black clients show up on time, and by that I mean within an hour of the appointed time. Only one in five show up on the appointed day. A few trickle in a day or two later. Most just never show up. Missing an appointment never embarrasses black people. They call repeatedly for new appointments, making four, five or even six appointments and then miss them all. I had one client who called more than 50 times before he finally came to my office. Rarely do I ever get a call from a black client canceling an appointment.
When I first started out as a lawyer I would call clients in advance to remind them of their appointments. They thanked me, but it made them no more likely to show up. Also, I used to call clients and potential clients who missed appointments, and try to have them reschedule. This did very little good. The most common response was, Why are you calling me? and it was never their fault that they didn’t show up. They had many different excuses, but I never heard, I forgot, or I’m sorry I didn’t make it.
Since appointments mean so little to my clients, I decide each day when I am available, and tell everyone to show up at the same time. On Saturday afternoons I can have as many as twenty appointments for the same time. Usually it is not a problem because few show up and even fewer show up on time. Only once in the last 20 years did everyone show up.
Many of my clients are unable to explain even the most basic facts. Often they must take the witness stand, and no matter how many times we have gone over the testimony in advance, I can be surprised by what they say. Some are simply lying and get tangled up in their lies, but most have such low IQs, they cannot describe even the simplest things. Often they seem to say the first thing that pops into their heads. When they are questioned further they cannot remember what they said previously.
I once had a client whose wife was suing him for child support. In discussions before trial he told me he had two children from a previous marriage. This was favorable for him because it meant he would probably owe his current wife less money. At trial, his wife testified that my client had no children outside of their marriage. When I asked him on the stand how many children he had before he married his current wife, he said he had none. Later I asked him why he had answered that way, when he told me before that he had two other children. Did I say that? he asked. I never found out which version was true.
Many of my clients have a hard time following simple directions. Once I appeared in traffic court with a client. In lieu of a conviction he was to see a traffic safety movie. The courtroom was on the second floor of the courthouse, and the traffic safety movie was shown on the first floor. The client was to come back to the courtroom with proof—which would be given him on the first floor—that he watched the movie. Both the judge and I explained this to the client. At the designated hour my client did not come back to the courtroom. Later that afternoon I got a call from the judge, who told me my client had completely misunderstood the instructions. He went to the nearest commercial movie house, saw a movie, and brought back his movie ticket stub.
Long ago I stopped asking my clients why they did something. It is not worth the effort. Most don’t know. The ones who know usually cannot give a coherent answer. Even if they can give a coherent answer, it usually changes every time you ask.
For example, one of my black divorce clients tried to hide assets from his spouse—this is not uncommon. Through discovery it came to light that he had secretly bought a piece of property after the divorce had begun. He put his wife’s name on the title, a very odd thing to do, since he was trying to hide the property from her. I made the mistake of asking him why he did that. True to my previous experiences, he could not give an answer that made sense.
Clients sometimes tell me they knew they were being cheated, but signed the papers anyway. I have given up asking why they signed, because I know I will not get an intelligible answer.
My clients make mistakes in written and spoken English that are often comical. One client in a criminal case told me he was telling the truth, and was willing to take a polyester test to prove it. Another told me he desperately wanted to see me, and needed an appointment between Tuesday and Wednesday. One who bounced a check told me the problem was insignificant funds in his account. I have had clients who have profiteering plans at work, want an uncontestable divorce (or a detested divorce, or an untested divorce), had insects (incest) in the family, need an annoyment (annulment), want a free flirtation (consultation), ask about my container (retainer), want to consultate about a divorce, or had to meet with media people (mediation counselors). One man told me, I own a car but it is not mine, and one who was accused of indecent exposure insisted, I didn’t take my stuff out of my pants.
It took me some time to understand certain kinds of black slang. Within the first month of my independent practice a man called to ask if I could put a suitcase on a cat. After much inquiry I realized he wanted to know if I could file a law suit against someone. Within the week I got another call asking if I did luggage. Since I now knew about suitcases, I said yes, I do luggage.
I pride myself on doing good work for my clients, but I cannot remember even once being thanked or complimented by a black client. They do not observe even the most common courtesies. Also, with rare exceptions, blacks will never admit they made a mistake. When things go wrong, as they inevitably do, it is always someone else’s fault. The most common excuse blacks give is, They are putting me through the changes. I have yet to figure out exactly what that means.
Most people tell lies because they think a lie will help them. I have come to the conclusion that most of my clients cannot distinguish between a plausible lie and a wild fairy tale. They are convinced people will believe anything they say. Clients often tell me some fantastic story I cannot possibly defend in court. If I tell them what they are saying is unbelievable the usual reaction is anger and screaming. Typically, they will add, I’m paying you. You have to believe what I say.
Cats on a suitcase.
Sometimes, despite my warnings, clients will get on the stand and tell obvious, outright lies. The judge may interrupt the testimony and tell me to go outside with my client to get your story straight. They are not going to sit in court and listen to fairy tales. I take my client outside and tell him he has got to tell the truth, or at least say something believable. My client then starts screaming. Why are you talking to me this way? You’re supposed to be on my side.
I once had a client testify about his assets in a divorce case, in which the court was to determine whether he should pay his estranged wife temporary support. My client was a store-front preacher, and testified that he lived in the marital residence with his wife, though in separate quarters. His wife testified that he was out living with his ho. My client went on and on about how this was impossible because he was a Man of God. I thought he was lying. The judge ruled that if my client was living with his wife he should share household expenses, which he was not currently paying. At this point, my client realized there was a cost to pretending to be a Man of God living with his lawful wife, and changed his tune. Judge why are you believing me? he said. Believe my wife. I am nothing but an old lying nigger. No one in the courtroom could stop laughing.
Outside kid cases are one of my specialties. For those not in the know, blacks call any child born out of wedlock an outside kid. Black men are good at making children but not at supporting them, and this can be a terrible burden under laws written with white people in mind.
In my state, the parent who does not have custody—almost always the father—pays a percentage of net income to the parent with custody—almost always the mother. The mother gets 20 percent of the father’s net income for the first child, 25 percent for two children, and up to 50 percent for five or more children. What if a man has children by several women? Each mother gets 20 percent for the first child, so a man with five children by five different women is supposed to be paying 100 percent of his income in child support. I once had a client who had 12 different children by 10 different women. Theoretically, he owed 250 percent of his income. These laws simply don’t make sense for blacks. Judges have to decide each case as best they can.
Not surprisingly, the average black client will not pay child support unless it is deducted from his paycheck. Many refuse to work, or leave a job to avoid paying. Job turnover is very high among blacks, and the court system has a hard time keeping up with them. Some blacks quit on purpose, and move to another job so as to keep one step ahead of the collections.
Whenever I ask a potential client whether he has paid court-ordered child support he will almost invariably answer with one or more of the following: I always helps my kids. I gives the mother money whenever she asks. I am always there for my kids. I buys my kids whatever they needs. It almost always turns out they have paid no support, haven’t seen their children in years, and at best may have paid for some basketball shoes.
Seventy percent are outside kids.
Children do not always seem to have the same importance for blacks that they do for whites. I was in bankruptcy court once waiting for my client’s case to be called. A black debtor—not my client—was before the judge trying to convince him to approve his bankruptcy repayment plan. The judge told him he could not afford both his Cadillac and his children, and had to give up one or the other. The debtor immediately said he could not give up his car, and therefore the judge would have to take his kids. The judge threw up his hands and walked off the bench. On another occasion, the same bankruptcy judge told a black debtor he could not afford both his Cadillac and his house. The debtor replied, You can live in your car but you can’t drive your house. Take my house. This was many years ago and tastes in cars may have changed, but I learned how important Cadillacs were to blacks.
In one respect my job is very different from that of a policeman or social worker: I have to make sure I am paid. I try to get paid in full before I agree to represent a client. If I am not paid in full before the case is over I know I will never get any more money. Clients have a hard time understanding they are paying for an attorney’s time. Invariably, if a client drops a case before it is over he asks for a full refund. Their reasoning goes something like this: I paid for a divorce and I didn’t get one, so I should get all my money back.
Once I sued a client who didn’t pay me. I finally garnished his wages and was paid in full. About six months later he called to ask me to take his next case. I told him I didn’t want a client that doesn’t pay his bills. He became indignant. He said I got all my money, so what did I have to complain about.
To hear my clients tell it, banks are constantly messing with their checking accounts. At least that is what they tell me when their checks bounce. Most of my clients do not have checking accounts, and pay cash. The ones who do have accounts have no idea how much money is in them. Many clients have written me checks on accounts that were closed.
Black clients yell and scream at me every day; I have learned that this is normal. They are like young children who don’t get their way. I usually ignore these outbursts, though screaming back at them is usually more effective. I have been threatened with physical violence only twice, and once I had to call the police to escort a client out of my office.
My experience is hardly unique. Most of the lawyers I know have practices similar to mine. Most lawyers therefore are racial realists even if they do not admit it openly. Their actions and comments are no different from mine. People who have daily contact with minorities, who know first-hand that there are racial differences, are likely to be the best prospects for any movement that promotes racial consciousness. They don’t like dealing with blacks, but that is simply part of the business. If they can’t take it anymore they get into some other line of work.
More important than house or kids?
One lawyer I know moved to the country so he would have white clients. He had lived in the big city all his live, but was willing to pull up all his roots to get a different clientele.
Recently the supreme court in my state ruled that a lawyer can be disciplined for communications that racially denigrate litigants. For that reason I cannot write this article under my own name, much as I would like to. I must hide behind a pseudonym for fear of falling victim to our politically-correct supreme court.
Donald Williamson practices law in the Midwest.
(Posted on January 28, 2005)
The differnce between racists and liberals: experience.
Posted by at 4:46 PM on January 28
This is a great article. Everyone who votes Democratic should have to read it, or spend Saturday night in the ‘Hood.
Posted by at 4:51 PM on January 28
Oh, this was howlingly funny and howlingly true. As a former social worker in Atlanta, I know exactly what this guy is talking about. Anytime you request anyone black to show proof of ANYTHING, you are “putting them through changes”. No one, apparently, is EVER to ask anyone black to have to prove anything to anyone to get anything free and taxpayer paid. They are just entitled to it. Period.
And the names — oh, how true, again. I, too, kept a file of names, and they are mostly hilarious and sad at the same time. I had a client with the last name of Love. Her children were Baby, Precious, and D’wanna (as in “do you wanna?”). The truly saddest name though was a little girl who had been named “Sexley” by her stupid mother.
Now, after having said all of the above, we all know that this lawyer MUST be a racist. I mean, how could this be true? He must be making this up….
Of course, blacks KNOW this about themselves. They know all this stuff. They just don’t like white people to know it and point it out.
Posted by sue from GA at 5:22 PM on January 28
HAHA! The list of names is hilarious! This is the funniest thing I have ever seen posted on American Renaissance. Good work.
Posted by Drew at 5:37 PM on January 28
“La,poo (yes, contains comma),”
This one takes the cake.
What would we do without irony?
Sounds like it should be the name of a rare sexually-transmitted disease.
Posted by Carrigan at 6:35 PM on January 28
Interesting, well-written and insightful. Worth passing around, rings so loudly of common truths in the multiculti world.
Incivility is a mark of pride, the infantilization of the american negro, the legacy of afro-marxism.
Posted by Hector at 7:49 PM on January 28
This gentleman has seen every textbook example of TNB (Typical Negro Behavior) outside of the actual commission of crimes. Since he doesn’t mention it, I wonder if he was a flaming liberal (as most lawyers are) before his racial awakening.
Posted by Dave at 8:00 PM on January 28
This article is a classic, and at the least funny. One can’t read this story and think of the line in the book “The Killer Angels” when southern whites were told by northerners that blacks were equal to them; “but have you every really dealt with them?”
His comments ring true with anyone who has had extended dealings with blacks.”My awakening did not come from one or even a few incidents, but from the accumulation of thousands upon thousands of small interactions.
Day after day my clients continue to amaze me. There is no racial education quite so thorough and convincing as spending time with blacks, and my clients are far from being the poorest and least competent blacks. They are not indigent criminals for whom I am a court-appointed lawyer. They are people who can afford (or think they can afford) a lawyer to get a divorce, contest a custody judgment, beat a traffic ticket, etc. Some are government employees who make $60 to $70 thousand a year, yet even this group is vastly different from whites.”
A really funny and truthful story.
Posted by Billy Hendershot at 8:04 PM on January 28
“the legacy of afro-marxism.”
Then it’s not genetic?
Posted by Q. P. Dahl at 8:14 PM on January 28
If I lived in some wealthy white community, I would probably think this lawyer was working us with his story. Seeing that I grew up in Chicago, and I have been a landlord for some seven years now, everything I read resonated with me. It looks like the real world slapped him into reality.
Posted by Greek at 8:57 PM on January 28
One of the best articles I have read on Amren’s site. More like this, with simple anecdotes from daily life, would be welcome.
Posted by Reader1 at 9:56 PM on January 28
Recently I put in an application for a part time job at grocery giant Kroger in Richmond,Va. I was interviewed by a black manage-ment person. He informed me that he had to “ax” me a few questions. “What would you do in a situation like “dis?” “What would you do in a situation like “dat?” Then he asked me where I lived. His response was-“so do my pastor”. I did not get hired,
by the way.
Posted by chuck at 11:08 PM on January 28
This was a great article. I believe that the only real chance we have of getting Whites to be racially aware is to have Whites live and work in Black and other non White environments. Notice that this White lawyer wasn’t raped or killed in all his contact with Blacks, neither will you if you know how to handle yourself. Blacks can be very, very racist and violent, but they are easy to read. After being around them long enough you will develop “spiderman” type sense to feel when something isn’t right, something is about to go wrong. Only a newbie, White suburbanite gets caught unprepared in a Black race riot. The rest of us will know the score and take precautions.
One last point. Blacks can be very entertaining and it is often tough for Whites who have lived lives of danger and excitement around urban Blacks to adjust to live around exclusively boring, all Whites. I have had that problem. And after living a life of terror amongst urban Blacks, don’t try to go work for some White Republican like Orin Hatch or Dick Luger or Libby Dole to try to address the problems of Lasheeta and Esamaj (That’s “James” spelled backwards). These GOP White Republicans probably have a better idea about what Martians are like than they do about our urban Blacks.
Posted by JR at 11:09 PM on January 28
Most people do not realize this, but outside the world of corporate or securities law, in any big city the legal profession is to a large degree fueled by the pathologies of blacks and other Third-World people.
So I wonder if it’s any coincidence that the politicians who have subsidized the flourishing of Blacks and third-world immigrants, in direct opposition to the will of most Americans, are themselves lawyers.
Posted by 20k at 11:24 PM on January 28
I have often heard my relatives speak of one black lady who lived in southern Alabama some 60 or 70 years ago. Her name was Geoceglossy Ceoceglossy Pink Magnolia Queen Victoria Preeshy Shady Maldoshy J.D. Crump. She was called Maldoshy for short. That is the spelling as accurately as I can give it based on pronunciation. If spoken aloud it really has quite a rhythm to it. That’s how it has stuck with me all these years. Quite a moniker!
Posted by at 11:54 PM on January 28
One of the worst things about blacks is:
behavior in the business world, they don’t know how to act in or work in a business, therefore once again, they sabotage the American economy.
As this gentleman states in his law experience about black incomprehension, the ignorance is repeated when the black either works for someone, or goes into a business. In other words, they can’t even go into a convenience store correctly, on the rare occasion they go in not to rob it.
They used to have like Business 101 in high schools, such as how to write a letter, and how supply and demand works; one can only assume that the time devoted to that is now spent on teaching the blacks about the negro who invented that comb blacks stick in their hair. Really, somebody told me that her daughter had to spend two days learning about the life of the black who invented that stupid comb.
Posted by at 12:37 AM on January 29
This is hatred at its best (or worst). Maybe the writer should move to Iraq or one of the neighboring countries. There he can stew in hate up to his ears. A lot of what he said could be said about white trash also. Blacks do not have the corner on trashiness.
Posted by Marie Falkner at 1:36 AM on January 29
I do social type work with convicted felons in Chicago. I have had EXACTLY the same tales to tell over the past 15 years. The appointment problems, lack of verbal and social skills, as well as being unable to spell their own childrens names. It sounds funny, but its all true.
I cannot help but conclude that there is a natural tendancy in blacks to behave this way. While not every one of them is like this, its much more common than outsiders would imagine.
Posted by James in IL at 2:22 AM on January 29
An excellent article. Some people might dismiss such first-hand accounts as mere subjective anectdotes, but I find there is simply no substitute for the reality of personal experiences told honestly in a forum such as this, where free speech still remains. Notice how there are no “Black Ph.D”s, nor “Black architects” or self-appointed “Reverends” posting comments to attempt to contradict the findings in this article. We all know why, of course. It’s like a pungent breeze encountering a very solid brick wall. The truth is the wall. The pungent breeze is the voice of the black community. Eventually its “fragrance” will fade, but the truth will still stand. And we will stand as well.
Posted by Mattox at 4:18 AM on January 29
This article was funny and all too true. I work in customer service and every day I encounter the difference between black and white customers on the phone. White customers may on occasion be rude or even not too bright, but at least they have a definite message as to why they called; invariably, black customers are inarticulate.
Their sentences are inerspersed with “…ummmm” and “uhhhhh” and, yes, they often don’t know their own phone numbers.
Years ago when my sister was waitressing to put herself through college, she was incredulous that no matter what their bill came to for a meal, blacks never left more than a dollar as a tip. The bill could be $3.00 or $75, but the tip was always $1.
She seemed to think it was because they couldn’t figure out percents.
I would love to email this article to my daughter, a lawyer — but unfortuntely, she’s a liberal and would accuse me (and the author) of racisim. So it goes.
Posted by Sooz at 10:45 AM on January 29
…I almost scalded myself with spilled coffee as I rolled out into the floor laughing at this tale…My ex was a court reporter in a heavily black area. She did a deposition in which counsel asked the witness(black) the names of his twin offspring. “Male (pronounced “mali”) and Female (pronounced “FEmali”) replied this dude. The ex had to bite her tongue to keep from howling with glee at this response. It seems like the dumbest ones have the most grotesque monikers, i.e. “Doktarious,” recently charged in an Atlanta murder. AMREN should follow up on the phenomenon of “African-American” names…I call them UNDERCLASS names.
Posted by fire eater at 10:57 AM on January 29
It is funny, how some of these articles jolt the memory, if you have ever worked with, or lived in close proximity with blacks. For example, about 12 years ago while in grad school, my primary place of employment was a house wares store. Black customers tended to be quite trying to say the least. Mind you, I was only a clerk/cashier; however, to the average black shopper I “be the rich owner” of the place. How this assumption was made, I do not know? I have long guessed it was simply because I had to wear a white shirt with a necktie and was a white man. They would sometimes make remarks along that train of thought: ‘you in a tie, you own the place right?’
Well, as I “be the rich owner” by assumption, I was often expected to have any kitchen appliance they needed, no matter how vague and odd the description. The conversation I remember most vividly was with a well dressed black man (BM,) it went like this:
BM, “hey you, you got one of those things I need?”
John PM, “we have many kitchen supplies here, what is the item you are looking for?”
BM, looking wildly around the shop, “you know, one of those things.”
John PM, “Do you mean an electric skillet, a wooden spoon, a coffee maker, a mixer…?”
BM, head snapping into place and face splitting into a big stupid grin, “yeah, that’s it, one of those things!”
John PM, “which one of the ‘things’ that I mentioned are you looking for?”
BM, puffing up and scowling in anger, “you f***ing with me, I’m on my lunch break, I aint got time to be f***ed with.”
John PM, “sir, I am not trying to give you a hard time, I just need you to specify which one of the items I mentioned, is the ‘thing’ you are looking for.”
BM, sudden realization replaces anger, “oh, the thing to make coffee with.”
John PM, feeling foolish relief, “coffee makers are down the center aisle.”
BM, rushing for the center aisle and then stomping back to the counter, “where are the Mr. Coffee machines?”
John PM, feeling a deep sense of sudden dread, “we only carry the Braun and GE machines.”
BM, very angry, “why not and why didn’t you say that in the first place.”
John PM, getting angry myself, “first, our supplier only carries Braun and GE coffee makers; second, you never specified that you were looking for a Mr. Coffee.”
BM, stomping out of the shop, “f*** you, you own this f***ing store, you should carry Mr. Coffee a**hole, I‘ll never shop in your store again you smart a**ed little son of a b****.”
Well, I guess I failed in my clairvoyant capacity as the “rich owner?”(LOL)
Another incident that pops to mind, from my first office job straight out of college, involves a young female coworker of color who walked into our employer’s office on a Saturday morning (we were getting overtime, during the opening of a local branch office) and sat down at her desk, a few over from mine. She belched very loudly, gagged and then vomited into her wastebasket. Looking around briskly and laughing, she settled into her desk and picked up her telephone as if nothing had happened. Disgusted and not believing what had just happened, I returned to what I was working on. Next, I am subjected to an odd snoring sound. As you might guess, I look up and over to see that the coworker is sprawled out cold in her seat sawing logs. Laughing in stunned contempt, I see the supervisor rushing ashen faced to her desk. The supervisor stops and looking mortified at the drunken sleeping fool, stammers something like, ‘she called to ask if she could leave to go home and just stopped talking in mid-sentence, she just dropped her phone.’ Needless to say, she got to go home permanently!
Posted by John P. M. at 11:42 AM on January 29
The author should try being a landlord with black tenants.
It’s an even more eye-opening experience than his law practice!
Posted by Larry at 2:05 PM on January 29
One more for the list:
TuSweet, given name of a crack thug from NYC arrested by police in Waterbury, CT, on a fugitive warrant.
Posted by Jack Boot at 2:28 PM on January 29
Regarding the tipping post above, in general, in fact as a rule, Blacks usually don’t tip at all, and are very hostile about it.
Posted by at 3:18 PM on January 29
If I had read this ten years ago I would think it was a work of fiction but after extensive contact with blacks over the last decade it all rings true.
Posted by Blin at 3:28 PM on January 29
My own personal favorite black name belongs to a young women who lives in Colorado Springs. The son of one of my friends used to go to school with her, and while I wasn’t completely sure I believed the name I was told at the time, some of my younger co-workers at the pizzeria know the same gal, seven years later. The poor thing’s name is deceptively pronounced “Shith aed”, but it is spelled as if it were one word. I confess to a hearty chuckle at the list of names provided. “Yuvodka” and “Godzilla Pimp” were pretty over-the-top.
The only equivalent insanity among whites seems to be the example of Frank Zappa, who named two of his children “Moon Unit” and “Dweezel”. Perhaps that’s what LSD will do for you.
Posted by Michael C. Scott at 5:47 PM on January 29
What part of this article has anything to do with hatred? This writer injected very little of his own opinion into the piece. All he did was describe his experiences as a lawyer in an urban black area. If truthful descriptions (which these very definitely are, as any honest person would have to agree) of life around and among blacks constitute “hatred,” then I suppose it is hatred.
What is really happening here is that you, like so many others in today’s world, have been brainwashed into thinking that all groups of people are the same. When you come across anything that defies this belief of yours, you call it “hatred.” You weren’t able to dispute any of the facts in Williamson’s article, nor any of the conclusions. This is because when someone like Williamson happens to speak a truth that someone like you doesn’t like, you cannot respond in terms of truth. All you can do is label and malign, though you did refrain from any attack on the author’s character, which is actually commendable considering the times in which we live.
It’s true that blacks do not have a monopoly on trashiness and other similar attributes. There is no doubt that many whites share many of the characteristics of the blacks in this article. It’s also true that these characteristics are overwhelmingly due to IQ. What “trashy” whites and so many blacks have in common is low IQ.
This an important point because low intelligence, which we can see empirically and anecdotally in this article, is much more common in blacks than whites. Because of this lower (average) intelligence, one will always see a far higher proportion of blacks than whites with low intelligence. You should take a look at the abridged version of P. Rushton’s book “Race, Intelligence, and Behavior,” which discusses other empirical evidence of low African IQ. (The posters who mentioned blacks and tipping in restaurants should see Rushton’s writing on the subject of race and altruism. I have discussed this with many people, including blacks, and all these discussion indicate that blacks do not tip nearly [frequently not at all] as well as whites. Rushton’s work on this point is hard to ignore.)
The point that most impressed me, and one that I as a student of Islamic history can personally attest to the veracity of, is the Arab attitude in the 7-8th centuries to the Africans they encountered along the continent’s east coast. Rushton points out that these attitudes are virtually identical to the ones expressed by the European explorers and colonizers twelve centuries later. This isn’t white racism; low black average IQ has been, and is, right there in front of everyone’s face. The sole difference between a race-realist and a race-dogmatist is that the realist accepts what he sees; the dogmatist does not.
Eventually, the gene or genes that control intelligence will be identified and no one, not even the most dogmatic race-denier, will be able to dispute the lower average intelligence of blacks. (And incidentally, the higher average IQs of North Asians. As J. Taylor has said, “Let the chips fall where they may.”) This doesn’t preclude the possibility of there being blacks with very high intelligence (we all know of a few), but means only that such people will be far rarer among blacks than among Asians or whites.
What you should do is keep an open mind and a constant awareness of the reality of race.
Posted by John Ring at 7:20 PM on January 29
On blacks and tipping [again]… Having waited tables in college, the only customers who did not tip were the few lower class blacks that would rarely come in. I would always say to myself, blacks are seen as ghetto/lower-class because of their actions and their actions only. If they want to be viewed differently they must act differently. Who else would have the nerve to receive great service, ask for extra everything, and than leave NO tip?
Posted by J16 at 8:57 PM on January 29
I was at work one day, we fix TV’s and VCR’s, and we have a form that we hand to the cutomer to get them to fill out so we can contact them to get them to pick up their TV, or collect payment if they refuse to pay their bill, anyway, this one guy asked ME how to spell HIS name! I felt like smacking my palm against my forehead.
Posted by Alexander at 9:15 PM on January 29
Donald Williamson has performed a valuable public service by publishing his article on “Urban Law 101.” As I was formerly engaged in the practice of law, I can verify the truthfulness of many of his statements.
I have no doubt that editorial considerations as to the length of the article prohibited Williamson from discussing the tragic results of permitting blacks to hold civil service positions in government offices, including clerical positions within the court system. In the metropolitan area, case files are often lost or misplaced, court documents are misfiled and endless delays are the result. Simple tasks take hours to perform, the costs of litigation are inflated due to simple incompetence. Multiple court appearances are needed to complete the most routine tasks.
Additionally, civil rights activists have pressed to increase minority representation in the judiciary. This is the equivalent of asking the blind to lead the blind. Black jurists have been impeached for sexually harassing their own court clerks and government attorneys assigned to their courtrooms, disciplined or sued for not paying their bills and child support, sanctioned for engaging in partisan politics while in judicial office, etc. In legal slang, the local circuit court is derisively referred to as “the circus court.” Many black politicians appear to be immune from scandals that would ruin the careers of white officeholders.
Court calls in the outlying counties are orderly. In the city, however, absolute chaos is the order of the day. Our court house has been turned into a slaughter house.
Posted by Adwokat at 9:24 PM on January 29
I am barely twenty years old and can attest to all of this being true. As a member of our armed forces, a grocery store clerk, and a former student of an integrated city school in Indianapolis, I have observed similar behavior over and over again. Isn’t it obvious? There is nothing “hateful” about this article; just plain observation.
If anything is to be learned, it is that poor white children should not be forced to sit in a classroom with black students - they invariable slow the pace down and denigrate the education of the white students. I am now at a disadvantage at college because my white peers, who attended private high schools or what I like to call “private public schools,” have a leg up on me. Perhaps not in the long run, though; the ways of the blacks have rubbed off on me and may aid me one day in my career - if not saving my life.
Posted by Daniel at 9:39 PM on January 29
This article was entertaining enough, but as an attorney I find it very hard to empathize with the author very much at all. It really took him 25 years to figure this out? Even the most self-delusional liberal is usually willing to at least convert the issue of “white areas vs. black areas” into one of “wealthy areas vs. poverty-stricken ones,” etc. And in a large city with corresponding white suburban areas that typically donut around the outskirts, it’s not as if one has to completely uproot themselves from the ghetto and move all the way out to Green Acres just to get away from the minorities.
On another note, when I do receive phone calls from potential (or current) clients who begin speaking in typical ghetto/ebonic slang, I cut them off immediately and tell them that I only speak one language, which is English, and if they expect me to understand what they’re saying then they will have speak in English, or call someone else to represent them. You’d be amazed at how many of them, instead of getting angry and yelling or hanging up, immediately change their tune and speak in a clear, intelligible (enough), and respectful manner. Most blacks are actually bi-lingual (ebonics & English), and whites just don’t know it.
Posted by lonewolf_esq at 9:51 PM on January 29
John Ring, good post. Miss Falkner snuck that in there on us. I don’t think some of the other people, who usually post on this forum, caught it. The referrence to white trash is a dead give away.
Posted by Ironmike at 10:11 PM on January 29
Here’s an odd coincidence; my brother told me a joke about twins named “Orangejello” and Lemonjello” in the 1980’s. Seems a little far-fetched that there would have been a joke fifteen years ago along the same lines as “Donald Williamson’s” real-life anecdote, doesn’t it?
Posted by at 11:30 PM on January 29
Yeah, nothing new for those of us who’ve had long experience with blacks. What someone should do is put together a large book of similar anecdotes about blacks, hispanics, SE Asians etc. No editorializing woulod be needed, just factual material presented simply. Then sell the thing at cost or give ti away outright.
Posted by Mike from Queens at 12:16 PM on January 30
I don’t think this kind of article does anything to help our cause. One of my major complaints against the PC double standard we live under is that it specifically targets whites and our culture as objects of derisive and hostile attacks. How can we complain about this if we engage in the same behavior. I am not saying we should ingore the realitites of our mental and behavioral differences but we should not take too much delight in highlighting and mocking them.
Posted by Antiochus at 12:56 PM on January 30
Orangejello and Lemonjello are actual persons, if the court file could be retrieved, the papers would support this.
My sister formerly taught an inner city elementary school, where some zodiac obsessed mother named her twin sons “Taurus” and “Taurice.” This was undeniably confusing as both boys were in the same classroom.
Posted by Adwokat at 4:06 PM on January 30
I am a second grade teacher in a smallish town. I was assigned to teach at this school, as the large population of black students was leading to a high teacher turn over. I have seen MANY MANY MANY of these same things with my students and with their parents. Wish I could share this with my colleagues but I’ve got a black, female, principal… Just have to keep it for myself.
It’d be interesting to have teachers compile a book of anecdotes…
Posted by Teacher at 4:58 PM on January 30
An amazingly funny article. While I suspect that many of the incedents described in it have been exagerated a bit to the sake of humor, recall that all good humor has a basis in the truth.
One thing that has always angered me about minorities and their leftist allies is how quick they are to describe racialists (and anyone else who is racially aware) as being somehow “ignorant”. In doing so they imply that if the racialist actually knew the subject of his scorn he would not hold the opinions that he does. This is far from the truth and is simply an ego-stroking exercise on the part of the minority’s. Articles like this prove that racism/racialism/racial awareness are almost never the product of ignorance but are usually caused by life expereince.
This myth of the “ignorance” of racially aware people is aided by two other factors. First in today’s PC world a racialist world view can adversly effect your future if your views are known. Therefore most racialist with a future worth protecting tend to keep their mouth shut. Thus most people who buy into the “ignorance myth” have never actually met an overt racist. The leftwing press in this country feeds this myth by their unfair treatment of racialist. One only has to look so far as the “Jerry Springer show” and it’s charicatures of racists to see what the popular media-fed misconception is.
The answer is to show well thought out racially aware articles like this to your fence sitting friends. Fight back against the “ignorant” stereotype!
Posted by Trench Raider at 6:31 PM on January 30
I’d agree with the comment of Antiochus that this article
“doesn’t do anything to help our cause”, except that our
“cause” is hopeless, at least in the US.
Both major parties and all of the news media and academia
are fervently in favor of racial preferences, and the
beneficiaries are becoming ever more numerous, thanks
to welfare and open-borders policies that have the
Thus, why not fiddle while Rome burns?
Posted by Larry at 11:50 PM on January 30
Please, Teacher, won’t you share some of your anecdotes with us? This is an appropriate thread, and we would be an appreciative audience.
Posted by Mattox at 12:32 AM on January 31
Aaaaahhhh - I read this in AR when it came out and I can assure you, he didn’t embellish this for humor’s sake. I could really get into this, but it would be so long, my fingers would hurt, so I’ll just add one short hilarity.
Anfernee Deon Hardaway - Plays for the Knicks now. He got his name because that’s what his mother wrote down on the birth (or should I say ‘birf’) certificate, because she thought that’s how the name ‘Anthony’ was spelled.
As any sports bio will relate (oh so politely and with all due deference to the illiterate ‘oppressed’):
“He got his nickname ‘Penny’ during childhood when grandmother, Louise Hardaway, called him ‘Pretty’ but with her southern drawl sounded like Penny.”
Yeah sure — I don’t care how you drawl the word ‘Pretty’, you can’t make it sound like ‘Penny’!
Posted by Mike B. at 5:04 AM on January 31
“What someone should do is put together a large book of similar anecdotes about blacks, hispanics, SE Asians etc.”
Back during the ’50s, Johnson Smith, a mail-order firm specializing in novelties (X-Ray Spex, etc.), actually sold joke books that were
indeed categorized by this nature! Ah, the Good ‘Ol Days!
Posted by WestMan at 10:33 AM on January 31
I once heard about a black woman whose first name was pronounced, “Feh-moll’ee”. When asked how she got such an unusual name, she replied that the doctor who delivered her had given it to her when he filled out her birth certificate (the name was spelled “Female”).
Posted by sedonaman at 3:42 PM on January 31
Last year there was a news story about a black criminal named “Bacardi.” No mention of whether he had a brother named “Courvousier.”
Posted by Cassiodorus at 4:03 PM on January 31
Blacks aren’t the only ones saddled unusual names. Whites play silly games with their kids’ names, also. A white woman whose last name was “Daglow” was being interviewed by the TV news; her first name: “Sunshine”.
Posted by sedonaman at 3:55 PM on February 1
I hate to be a spoil sport about all this, but the problem with this kind of article is that it contains what is called “anecdotal evidence” and as such, proves nothing. Those who wish to dispute it can always claim that the author cherry-picked the very worst experiences that he had in order to prove his point, that he exaggerated or that he simply was in a situation where he came into contact with only the most ignorant blacks available, the dregs of even black society.
Growing up in Gary Indiana, I saw the crime and decay that accompanies a black majority. In high school in a half-”minority” student population, I saw plenty of pathological behavior, such as “f-you,” “f-this,” “I’m gonna hit you upside you’re head with a brick, you mofo,” marijuana smoking on the back of the bus, the black city bus driver taking money into his hand instead of the hopper, and, of course, someone trying to burn down the school building in the middle of the night, causing the students to be without a library for two and a half years.
I also saw some fairly bright blacks who did well in their studies.
If I picked only the worst experiences to write about, I could paint a pretty nasty picture. If I picked only stories of the bright blacks, I could paint an overly rosy story of black accomplishment.
My point is, this kind of article will not accomplish anything to sway fence sitters to our side. More likely it will turn people off, because it will appear that we are laughing at blacks for their lower average IQ.
Posted by Tim in Indiana at 3:02 PM on February 2
Very good article. How funny and true!
The names are hilarious! Not only Blacks do that though. In Hawaii (well, the Polynesians are pretty similar to the Blacks), I heard names like “Jello”, “Refrigerator” “Wilma” (mother) and (daughter) “Pebbles” and a family whose last name was Silva, named their kids “Hi-Ho”, “Quick” and “Sterling”-you know, Silva!
Posted by kellye at 8:35 AM on February 3
how true. the skinny on tort reform is this-when a certain group of people got their civil rights, one of the civil rights they got was the right to serve on juries, and american law has never been the same since. all of the so-called “jackpot justice” venues have one thing in common-all have an extraordinarily high percentage of blacks in the jury pool, and blacks see the civil justice system as a way to redistribute income. how does our ruling elite respond? keep blacks from serving on juries?- no, they’ve decided to take rights away from all of us via “tort reform”.
Posted by jerry at 4:02 PM on May 2